somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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