A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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