the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
