Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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