We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
