Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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