And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shame - the story of my life.
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