I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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