cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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