Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
