i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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