Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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