3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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