No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
