I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
