If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
smell my finger.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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