i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
