Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
