You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
