Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
