Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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