3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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