We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
