"it" just moved
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
