soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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