I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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