after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
