Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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