I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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