Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
