Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
