dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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