why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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