You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
