# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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