I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
