i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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