totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize