I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
