I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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