Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
