I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
