Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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