I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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