Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
