i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
