Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
