Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This baby is an asshole
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
