Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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