i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i believe in u and ur pee
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