I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
