Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
