I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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