remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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