i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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