Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
