Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
