Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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