My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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