I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
