totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
