Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
