i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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