my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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