Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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