my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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