you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.