ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting