you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex