Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up