Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you win again, gameday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
