And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And then he peed in my hair
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
