well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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