I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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