I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
