I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
