I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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