my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this is an emotional support booty call
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
