My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
