i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
please don't ironically join a cult
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