Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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